Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
