I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
