It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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