Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
