So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize