That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island