Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.