You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom