She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"