Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
