I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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