strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
