i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
