i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
