I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
