went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
