I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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