He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
