Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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