alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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