he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
pray to the hookup gods
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
