just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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