We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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