I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
