I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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