Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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