Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
