this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
