Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
