Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
