um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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