R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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