I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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