Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
