I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
