Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
