my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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