this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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