OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
