The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Mom said you looked used
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
