I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
