Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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