i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
