Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
