Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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