Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
