Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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