So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
