i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
