I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
