Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
