When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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