True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
