I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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