you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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