i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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