Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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