you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
