I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
