WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
