Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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