she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
