You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
