I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
pray to the hookup gods
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize