I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
