Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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