defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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