Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
