help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
