if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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