I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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