and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
