Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
