P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
